I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
