if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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