I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
