I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
