So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
