and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
