My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
