oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
