Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
