And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize