ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
