I need to stop coming to work sober
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
