I think I died a long time ago.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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