when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
