3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
