I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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