I am puke
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
