It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize