he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
