You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it was like eating out sand paper
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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