Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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