I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
