Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
