Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
