Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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