"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
