you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
