I just threw up on my dentist
She announced her abortion via fbk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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