Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
