He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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