do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
