Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
