i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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