You just made me feel so damn special
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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