OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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