I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
