Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
