I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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