...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize