I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
