you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
