So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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