I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fuck appropriateness.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
