Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
