Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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