My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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