My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
