Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
smell my finger.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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