I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
