Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
