woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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