I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize