why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
