evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
