I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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