A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
