Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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