why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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