32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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