i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
