Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
