Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize