I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
