so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize