I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
