Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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