Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
