So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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