We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I stole a fireplace last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
