now i know why i became what i already was.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
