Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
