I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
