No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
