Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
