the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
