I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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