Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
