I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
