I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize