I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need to calm my uterus...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
