i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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