I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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