i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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