I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
