Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
