Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
