I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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