you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
