All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
